I don't like our apartment much. The complex and the neighborhood around it is okay. It's the apartment itself that is making me crazy. I'm just having a hard time keeping up with it so that I'm content. Some days I wish I had a big truck that I could toss so much of our stuff in, haul it off and be rid of it. I really can't wait till we finally get out of the military and can buy a house of our own. Of course, that requires that we know where we want to settle.

I used to want to move back to Wenatchee and settle there. It's what has always been 'home' for me and is most of what I know. But I have come to realize that there really isn't anything there anymore that I want to go back to. Yes, my greatly loved church is there, and my Grandmother. But I have found that anymore, there are more negatives and things I want to get away from over there than anything. Which is sad. It scares me a little bit. I know I don't want to buy a house and settle here. It's too busy for me. Not really the area I had hoped to stick around in.

Over the next few years, I guess that's going to be something Billy and I will have to think about. It's hard to say where we want to go, and where we want to be when we are so limited with how much we can just go out and see what is around us. Military owns our life. I do know that I want to stay in the state of Washington. Without a doubt.

I guess in time, God will provide for us. He will take us where we are meant to be, and we will know when the time is right. I have to keep reminding myself to trust God to work things out.

For now, I want to keep going to Grace and better get to know the ladies there. Maybe in time I will grow comfortable enough to join one of their woman's bible studies. It's difficult for me to look too much into that right now because of how shy and timid I am. I'm more of a sit and listen kind of person. I don't really like too much to talk and share my thoughts. That's also partially because I'm insecure, partially because I know so little about that bible, and a lot of the time, in the moment, I have a hard time gathering much thought or opinion anyway. I like to hear what other people have to say.

I look forward to Billy's return in February (which is now the beginning of Feb instead of the middle) so I can introduce him to Pastor John and Grace church. I was telling him this morning that I think it would be good for him to get involved with the men's groups there at Grace, because his social life is pretty much strictly military and work. In a way, I think it's unhealthy that he doesn't have some kind of social life away from the military once in a while. So I suggested when he returns, that he tries getting together with these guy's and kind of get acquainted. That way he has a bit of a social life away from work and military. Some free time. While also being around good positive people and being involved with the church. He didn't object. So I think he's willing to try it out.

I'm happy that I found a church that I want to be involved with. So I really hope that this all works out. I'm trusting that it will. I still believe God put me there for a reason. Sunday was only yesterday and I'm already ready to go back.

Anyway. I'm falling behind on my apartment again. I'm ashamed of myself. I need a boost. There are so many little things I don't like. I really more than anything, want a clean start. A nice clean, fresh, slate. This place is getting to me. I get so under motivated, then things fall apart. Then I feel like a terrible house wife. I keep praying that God helps me find things to keep motivated, to keep positive, and to stay happy. I know when the time is right, he will put us where we need to be, but I honestly just can't wait.

But I have to remember to feel appreciative of the things I do have. Stay focused on the positives that are currently in place. And work with what I have. Even if I don't want to. I need to try. It's just not always easy.

I can't believe its only 7:45. It feels so much later.